i feel like i should apologize for venting about dad stuff on tumblr?? i know that’s probably fine for most of you, and i’ll continue to tag everything appropriately, but this is the one social media account i have that isn’t followed by one of my siblings. my little sister was daddy’s little girl, and her relationship with him was the least fraught of the three of his children. i don’t want my resentment to color her perception of him, or to make her grieving any worse than it already is.
so much of my time in the years leading up to his death was dedicated to me mourning the relationship i never had with him, the relationship i would never get to have as his health continued to deteriorate. i learned how to shift perspective, to see that his horrific relationship with his own father left him with no tools to be better for me. how none of that was my fault, how it’s okay to be angry.
but now he won’t be there at my graduation in december. he won’t be at the housewarming party when i finally have my own place. i won’t be able to send him photos from all the traveling i intend to do.
grief is so weird. it’s massive and ever-changing and i can’t stop thinking about how we could have had more time. maybe i could have fixed things if he’d dedicated himself to recovery.
i’ll never know now. the specter of what might have been haunts me just as much as his memory does.
i saw a man at work the other day wearing a shirt that said “i was normal 2 pomeranians ago” with pictures of his pomeranians on it. important to note he had his pomeranians in his cart
artists rendition (i forgot to add the poms on his shirt but you get the gist)
Every time someone makes an artist’s rendition of a weird little guy they saw in public instead of recording them without consent, an angel gets it’s wings.
